What to Ask During a Therapy Consultation: Key Questions for Adults and Parents
Consultation calls can be a bit intimidating as a client. It’s weird - you’re getting on the phone with a stranger who’s about to ask you some intensely personal questions, and you don’t know a thing about them. It can be hard to know how to approach it, but having some questions planned out can help.
Whether you’re an adult seeking individual therapy or a parent looking for a therapist for your teen, these key questions can guide you in choosing a therapist who’s the right fit for you.
Think of a Consultation Like an Interview for a Therapist
When starting therapy, it’s helpful to approach your consultation as you would an interview or audition. A consultation is your chance to get to know the therapist, ask questions, and ensure you feel comfortable.
Finding the right therapist is crucial to feeling understood and achieving your goals, so pay attention to your gut feeling when talking to a new therapist. Do they feel like someone you can imagine working with?
Ideally, you want to walk away from a consultation call having some idea about these aspects of a therapist:
Their experience and specialties
A rough idea of how they work
Whether they’re someone you’re comfortable talking to
How much their services cost (it’s legally required that a therapist tells you this before you meet in a paid session!)
Here are key questions to ask a therapist during a consultation, along with examples of how I would answer these questions in a consultation.
Questions to Ask a Therapist During Your Consultation
1. What is your approach to therapy?
Asking this can help you understand a therapist's methods and whether they align with what you’re looking for.
From my perspective: I typically combine Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with depth-based approaches like Psychodynamic Therapy, making sure to blend both practical tools and emotional exploration. For instance, when working with individuals struggling with anxiety, I focus on providing immediate coping skills while exploring a client’s history with anxiety and stress management, including looking at how stress is handled within their family of origin.
2. How do you track progress in therapy?
Tracking progress helps both client and therapist stay on the same page about goals and improvements. If progress is important to you, you might want to have some idea of how important it is to your therapist as well.
Example: I regularly use client feedback and assessments to keep track of any shifts in symptoms or behaviors. We’ll check in on a regular basis to see what is and is not working for you so that I can make adjustments and incorporate your feedback into our work.
3. What do you see as your role in the therapeutic process?
This question helps clarify whether the therapist’s style is collaborative (partnering with you in figuring things out) or directive (leaning more toward telling you what to do).
Personal insight: I see my role as both a guide and a partner in my clients’ journeys. I find a collaborative approach most effective, so clients feel actively involved in their own growth and decision-making. For example, with clients facing depression, I work alongside them to find solutions that match their current level of motivation but still push them out of their sense of “stuck-ness”.
4. Do you specialize in any particular issues?
Understanding a therapist’s expertise can help you decide if they’re equipped to support your unique needs.
Example: My practice focuses on anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges, especially with adults and teenagers. With teenagers, I specialize particularly in working with teens who are dealing with divorce or grief.
5. What should I expect from the first few sessions?
This question clarifies what you’ll initially focus on and how you’ll start building rapport.
For instance: In our first sessions, I prioritize helping clients feel comfortable, heard, and clear about their therapy goals. I want to come away from the first couple of sessions with an idea of the client’s goals and history, while also giving enough space that we can focus on what’s most important in the present. Often, we’ll start by identifying immediate stressors and setting a few short-term objectives that build confidence and trust as we start diving deeper.
6. How often do you recommend sessions, and for how long?
This will help you understand the recommended frequency and duration to meet your needs. Some therapists are flexible on this, so it’s worth asking if you’re looking for something other than weekly therapy.
Example of my approach: I meet with clients once a week for 50-minute sessions. Clients occasionally ask to meet twice in one week during periods of high stress or emotional challenges.
7. How do you handle privacy and confidentiality, especially with teens?
This is especially important for parents wanting to respect their teenager's privacy while staying informed.
For adults: All information in our sessions is fully confidential. I’m legally required to break confidentiality in instances where there is an immediate threat of violence to self or someone else, or abuse of an elder or child, but I will not break confidentiality for any other reason.
My practice with teens: I always make sure teens understand our confidentiality practices before starting, which builds trust in the process. I also provide parents with general updates (with permission of the teen) while keeping our sessions with teens confidential, so they have a safe space to express themselves. I may bring the idea to the teen to involve parents and let them in on an issue when it seems that it would be beneficial, but will not require them to do so.
8. How do you handle setbacks or lack of progress?
Therapy isn’t always linear, so asking about setbacks can give you insight into a therapist’s resilience and adaptability.
From my experience: When a client feels stuck, I’ll pause to assess what’s working and what isn’t, and adjust the approach as needed. For example, if a client with anxiety isn’t finding progress with CBT alone, we may integrate another layer of support or another therapeutic modality.
9. What coping tools or skills do you commonly use?
This is particularly helpful if you’re interested in tangible skills to manage stress or emotions.
What I recommend: I often introduce grounding techniques, especially with clients who feel overwhelmed in the moment. For example, I use breathwork exercises with teens managing social anxiety and cognitive reframing with adults facing work stress, so they leave each session with something concrete to practice.
10. How long do you typically work with clients?
It can be helpful to understand whether the therapist prefers shorter, solution-focused therapy or longer-term work.
My approach: Many clients who work with me come to therapy with one or two particular goals. Often over the course of a few months they will feel they’ve made progress on these goals. At this point some choose to stop therapy and feel their goal has been met, while others decide that therapy is helpful to them for a range of reasons, and they decide to continue to focus on other goals.
While I’m open to short-term work for immediate needs, I often work with clients for several months to explore underlying issues and build sustainable change. This is especially true for teens and adults facing persistent challenges in relationships or self-esteem, where longer-term work can yield the best results.
11. What should I ask myself to know if you're the right therapist for me?
This question invites the therapist’s insight on how you’ll know if the fit is right. I think this question is helpful because it gives a view into the way the therapist thinks and works.
My advice: There are some concrete factors to consider - expertise, approach, logistics. But I think the most important factor is really just the gut feeling you have when talking to a therapist. Did you feel comfortable talking to them? Did their approach on the goal give you a sense that a session with them might be helpful?
12. What challenges do you typically see with clients like me?
Asking about challenges can help you gauge the therapist’s experience with clients in similar situations.
Insight from my practice: For clients in high-stress careers, one challenge I often see is balancing work demands with personal life. It can be difficult to be “always on” at work and hold back from bringing those intense expectaitons into your home life. I work on this by helping clients develop clear boundaries and coping mechanisms tailored to their work environments, so they can maintain both productivity and well-being.
13. What’s your availability, and do you offer virtual sessions?
Many clients, especially those balancing work and family, need flexible options. Knowing if the therapist offers virtual sessions or has flexible scheduling can help make therapy fit more seamlessly into your life.
How I answer: I offer in-person and virtual sessions. With virtual sessions, I offer some extra flexibility in session times.
Questions to Ask a Therapist Before Starting Therapy for Your Teen
If you’re a parent looking for a therapist for your teen, specific questions can help ensure you find someone who can connect effectively with younger clients:
1. How do you approach working with teenagers?
This question helps parents understand the therapist’s style and whether it aligns with their teen’s needs. Teens often need a unique balance of guidance, patience, and structure, and it’s essential for parents to know that the therapist’s approach is a fit. You might hear something in their approach that does or doesn't sound like a fit, depending on what you know about your teen.
My Approach: I create a comfortable, nonjudgmental space where teens feel safe and understood. My approach is supportive but also goal-oriented, meaning I work with teens to identify needs and set realistic goals that we can work toward together. Using evidence-based methods, such as CBT for managing anxious or low moods, I also blend in depth-based techniques to encourage self-reflection and personal growth.
2. How involved will I be in my teen’s therapy?
Knowing how involved you’ll be can set expectations. This question also clarifies how much privacy the teen will have, which can affect their openness in sessions.
My Approach: Parent involvement is essential to a successful outcome, especially when it comes to reinforcing progress at home. I check in with parents regularly to share general updates and answer questions, ensuring you’re informed without infringing on the trust we’re building with your teen. This approach helps teens open up more freely, which often leads to better results. There are issues where it makes sense to involve the family directly in sessions as well, which I may ask to do with permission of your teen.
Choosing a Therapist in San Francisco
Finding the right therapist can take time, but it’s worth the effort to ensure a good match. Most of all, I suggest asking the questions you need to feel comfortable.
Research shows that the most important factor in the effectiveness of therapy is the connection between a client and therapist. A consultation is your first chance to see what that connection is like. Ask the questions that will give you a better sense of who you’re talking to, and how comfortable you think you would be letting them in on what’s happening in your life.