Most of us feel like our self-esteem could use some improvement. Maybe you wonder if you’re a bit more self-critical than average. Maybe you hold yourself to some expectations that you know are pretty unfair. You might find yourself to be your harshest critic, saying things to yourself that you would never say to someone else.

Self-esteem, or our inner sense of worth, affects almost every part of life - from relationships to career satisfaction to daily confidence. When it’s low, it adds an extra pressure to everything we do.

But building self-esteem doesn’t mean you need to become your own biggest cheerleader overnight. Self-esteem improves slowly over time as you make gradual changes. The best approach to improve self-esteem is to develop realistic habits that help you relate to yourself with more kindness, patience, and confidence.

Let’s explore 10 practical strategies to help you build a foundation of healthy self-esteem.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is an idea that refers to how we view and value ourselves, along with our overall sense of worth.

People with high self-esteem generally feel comfortable in their own skin, trust in their abilities, and respond to life’s challenges with resilience. This doesn’t mean they don’t experience self-doubt or insecurity. They still have setbacks, and still might question themselves - but they have confidence in who they are, and are more skilled at bouncing back from setbacks. Someone with high self-esteem might feel proud of their accomplishments, comfortable setting boundaries, and open to new experiences.

On the other hand, low self-esteem often involves a negative self-view, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy. Those with low self-esteem may struggle with self-criticism, find it hard to accept compliments, and may avoid challenges out of fear of failure. They may also have trouble asserting themselves, leading to frustration or anxiety in social situations. A person with low self-esteem might constantly compare themselves to others, downplay their strengths, or be extremely focused on their perceived flaws.

Knowing where you stand can be a helpful first step, and the following strategies can help you nurture a healthier, more balanced self-image.

1. Start with Self-Compassion

Would you speak to a friend the way that you talk to yourself? Probably not. Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support that you would offer to someone else that you care about.

Rather than being self-critical, self-compassion involves acknowledging your struggles without judgment, and recognizing that making mistakes and facing challenges are part of being human. It encourages us to be kind to ourselves during hard times, which can help us grow and learn from our experiences rather than feeling defeated by them.

Practicing self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring flaws or not taking responsibility; instead, it means approaching yourself with empathy, which research shows can significantly improve resilience, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

How to Start: When you notice self-critical thoughts, pause and reframe them as you would for a friend. Replace judgmental thoughts with understanding ones. Practicing self-compassion can feel unfamiliar, but even small moments of self-kindness build over time to create a healthier relationship with yourself. Kristin Neff, a researcher focused on self-compassion, has a great website and books focused on information and practices for increasing self-compassion.

2. Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation

Loving-kindness meditation (also called metta) is a meditation approach that directs you to focus in on compassionate thoughts toward yourself and others. You’ll focus in on wishing yourself and others well and building a sense of compassion. This improves self-esteem by building a sense of goodwill toward yourself. Many people who use this meditation approach report increased feelings of self-acceptance and connectedness to others.

How to Start: I suggest that people starting with this meditation approach begin by using a guided meditation, which would be available in most apps such as Medito or Insight Timer.

If you’d rather do it yourself, the instructions are pretty simple. Begin by closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then, silently repeat phrases such as, “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be safe, may I live with ease.” Gradually, expand these wishes to loved ones, acquaintances, and even difficult people in your life.

3. Set Small, Achievable Goals

Reaching small goals reinforces your belief in your capabilities, along with a sense of agency. Agency is a sense of having control in your life, and the sense that you can influence your inner and outer world.

I suggest that you start with small goals because small wins are more attainable and build confidence gradually, which is key for improving self-esteem.

How to Start: Set one or two short-term goals you can accomplish this week. They might be as simple as organizing a part of your workspace or taking time for a hobby. Acknowledge each completed goal as a success, rather than moving quickly to the next task. Over time, these consistent wins reinforce your sense of self-efficacy and resilience.

4. Focus on Your Strengths and Victories

When we focus only on our weaknesses, it’s easy to forget the unique skills and qualities we already have. On top of that, when we focus in on our weaknesses we tend to find them everywhere. Actively shifting focus to strengths and past victories can create a more balanced, affirming self-view.

The goal here isn’t to inflate our egos or try to look perfect; the goal is simply to have a more balanced view.

How to Start: Each week, write down three strengths you’ve demonstrated or past accomplishments you’re proud of. These don’t have to be monumental achievements; they can be qualities like patience, a specific work project, or simply showing up when things were tough. Reflecting on these regularly builds a bank of positive self-affirmations that can counterbalance self-doubt when it arises.

5. Accept Mistakes as Part of Growth

Mistakes are a natural part of learning and growth. Is it really helping you when you beat yourself up about them? Many people with low self-esteem believe that the self-criticism that comes up in these moments is helpful, but is that actually true? In my experience, it doesn’t actually help people to learn; it just brings about more pain and keeps people locked in on a sense of failure.

Viewing them as valuable feedback rather than failures helps you reduce self-criticism and build resilience. Rather than looking at mistakes as personal failures, look at what you can learn from them.

How to Start: When a mistake happens, pause to reflect on what you can learn from it. Approach it with curiosity rather than judgment, asking yourself what you might do differently in a similar situation. Over time, this mindset can help you bounce back faster from setbacks and maintain a healthier perspective on your personal growth.

If it feels too difficult to approach current mistakes this way, it can be helpful to look at mistakes you made in the past that seemed huge at the time, but ended up being helpful for you.

6. Use Positive Self-Talk

The way we talk to ourselves directly impacts our self-esteem. Positive self-talk reinforces confidence and encourages a more constructive relationship with yourself.

How to Start: When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, replace it with a kinder, more neutral perspective. For example, swap “I can’t believe I messed that up” with “I did my best in a tough situation.” Over time, positive self-talk can replace old patterns of criticism with messages that build self-worth.

It might feel ridiculous to use positive self-talk at first. That’s fine. I’d suggest that you lean into the ridiculousness of it. Nobody else has to hear it, so play with it and see how it feels to be nice to yourself. Notice what about it seems absurd or wrong to you, and question why it feels wrong to be kind to yourself.

7. Take Time for Self-Reflection

Self-reflection helps you check in with yourself, understand your values, and evaluate how well your actions align with your intentions. This practice can help ground your self-esteem in meaningful, personal goals.

How to Start: Carve out a small amount of time each week to reflect on your experiences, whether by journaling, meditating, or simply thinking things through. Ask yourself what’s going well, what you’re proud of, and where you’d like to grow. Self-reflection offers you a consistent opportunity to recognize your efforts and adjust as needed, which can nurture a balanced and resilient self-image.

8. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

The people around us shape our view of ourselves. When you’re surrounded by supportive people, it’s easier to remember your own value.

How to Start: Take a look at your relationships. Do you feel like the people around you are supporting you? Seek out connections with people who are supportive, and consider how to change your relationships with those who are consistently critical or discouraging. You might also consider joining a group or community where encouragement and growth are priorities. Positive relationships are a powerful reinforcement of your worth and a consistent reminder that you’re not alone.

9. Consider Professional Support

Therapy can be a valuable resource for building self-esteem. Often people can make changes to their sef-esteem without therapy, but it can be challenging to do so if you’re also struggling with depression, anxiety, and/or past trauma.

When I work with clients, I offer guidance, tools, and support to help them overcome self-doubt, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop greater self-awareness.

How to Start: If you’re interested in therapy, start by exploring options that fit your needs and preferences, whether that’s individual therapy, group therapy, or workshops. If you’re interested in individual therapy, feel free to set up a free 20-minute consultation with me.

10. Take Care of Your Physical Well-being

Physical health and mental health are deeply connected, and taking care of your body can help you feel more grounded and capable. Daily routines such exercise, adequate sleep, and balanced nutrition all play a role in supporting self-esteem.

How to Start: You don’t need to overhaul your routine overnight. Instead, start with small, manageable changes. Maybe add a short walk to your day, aim for a more consistent sleep schedule, or add more whole foods to your diet. Simple steps to care for your body can foster a healthier relationship with yourself and boost feelings of self-worth.

Conclusion

Improving self-esteem is a gradual process that involves self-kindness, patience, and a commitment to small, positive changes. With these strategies, you’re building a relationship with yourself that’s based on mutual respect, self-care, and belief in your abilities. By consistently practicing these approaches, you’ll create a more confident, compassionate version of yourself that’s resilient in the face of challenges and rooted in self-worth.

schedule a free consultation