Assertiveness: A Powerful Tool for Managing Anxiety
While there are many strategies for managing anxiety, one often-overlooked tool is assertiveness. Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, direct, and respectful way. By developing assertiveness skills, you can reduce anxiety, build self-confidence, and improve your relationships with others.
Assertiveness is often misunderstood. When we think of someone who is assertive, many of us picture someone who is rude and domineering, putting their interests ahead of everyone else’s regardless of how it affects the people around them. This is not what assertiveness is, however: assertiveness if about knowing your boundaries and communicating them in a way that is still considerate of others. You can be kind and also be assertive. Assertiveness can even reduce the amount of conflict in your relationships.
The Link Between Assertiveness and Anxiety
Research has shown that people with low assertiveness are more likely to experience anxiety symptoms (Hakim et al., 2020). When you struggle to express your needs or set boundaries, you may find yourself in stressful situations that trigger anxiety. For example, if you have a hard time saying no to unreasonable requests, you might become overwhelmed by taking on too much. On the other hand, assertive individuals tend to feel more in control of their lives, which can reduce the frequency and severity of anxiety-provoking situations (Eslami et al., 2016).
How Assertiveness Helps Manage Anxiety
Communicating Your Needs: Assertiveness allows you to clearly express your needs and preferences, reducing the chances of misunderstandings or unmet expectations that can contribute to anxiety.
Setting Healthy Boundaries: By setting clear boundaries, you can protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being, reducing the stress and anxiety that come with overextending yourself.
Building Self-Confidence: Practicing assertiveness helps build self-confidence and self-esteem, as you learn to value your own thoughts and feelings. This increased self-assurance can act as a buffer against anxiety (Shimizu et al., 2004).
Reducing Interpersonal Conflict: Assertive communication can help reduce interpersonal conflict, as you express your needs and feelings in a clear, non-aggressive way. This can lead to more harmonious relationships and lower levels of anxiety.
Assertiveness vs. Aggression: Understanding the Difference
One common misconception about assertiveness is that it's the same as aggression. However, assertiveness and aggression are two very different communication styles. Aggressive communication involves expressing your needs or opinions in a way that disregards or violates the rights of others, often through threats, intimidation, or manipulation. In contrast, assertiveness is all about respect for both yourself and others (Pipas & Jaradat, 2010).
Nonviolent Communication: Assertiveness with Kindness
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is an approach to assertiveness that emphasizes empathy, compassion, and clear, honest expression (Rosenberg, 2015). NVC involves expressing your needs and feelings without blame or criticism, while also acknowledging the needs and feelings of others. By practicing NVC, you can communicate assertively in a way that fosters understanding, connection, and cooperation, rather than defensiveness or hostility. This approach can be particularly helpful for managing anxiety in interpersonal situations, as it promotes a sense of safety and mutual respect.
How to Develop Assertiveness Skills
Becoming more assertive is a skill that can be learned and practiced over time. Some strategies for developing assertiveness include:
Using "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings
Practicing saying no to unreasonable requests
Rehearsing assertive responses to common situations
Seeking feedback from trusted friends or a therapist
Celebrating your successes and learning from setbacks
Conclusion
Assertiveness is a powerful tool for managing anxiety and improving overall well-being. By learning to communicate your needs, set healthy boundaries, and build self-confidence, you can reduce the frequency and intensity of anxiety symptoms. Remember, assertiveness isn't about aggression or dominance, but rather about expressing yourself with clarity, respect, and kindness.
If you find assertiveness difficult, therapy can be a huge help. You’ll have a space to work on developing these skills, and a chance to look at new ways of approaching your relationships. As a therapist specializing in anxiety treatment, I'm here to help you develop the skills and confidence needed to manage anxiety and thrive in your personal and professional life. Feel free to reach out for a free consultation if you’re interested in learning more.
FAQ
Q: Can assertiveness help with social anxiety?
A: Yes, assertiveness can be particularly helpful for managing social anxiety. By learning to express your thoughts and feelings in a clear, confident manner, you can reduce the fear of negative judgement and improve your ability to navigate social situations with less anxiety.
Q: How long does it take to become more assertive?
A: Developing assertiveness skills is a process that varies from person to person. Some people may notice improvements relatively quickly, while others may need more time and practice. Consistency is key – the more you practice assertive communication, the more natural it will become over time.
Q: Can I be assertive and still be kind?
A: Yes - assertiveness does not have to change the way you treat others, and it doesn’t mean always putting yourself first. Assertiveness is not about being aggressive or dominating others. In fact, true assertiveness involves expressing yourself in a way that is both clear and respectful. By using techniques like nonviolent communication, you can be assertive while also showing empathy and consideration for others' feelings and needs.
References
1 Eslami, A. A., Rabiei, L., Afzali, S. M., Hamidizadeh, S., & Masoudi, R. (2016). The effectiveness of assertiveness training on the levels of stress, anxiety, and depression of high school students. Iranian Red Crescent Medical Journal, 18(1), e21096. [https://doi.org/10.5812/ircmj.21096](https://doi.org/10.5812/ircmj.21096)
2 Hakim, A., Bhanugopan, R., & Johnston, T. (2020). The relationship between assertiveness and anxiety: The moderating effect of self-compassion. Journal of Management & Organization, 1-18. [https://doi.org/10.1017/jmo.2020.16](https://doi.org/10.1017/jmo.2020.16)
3 Pipas, M. D., & Jaradat, M. (2010). Assertive communication skills. Annales Universitatis Apulensis: Series Oeconomica, 12(2), 649-656. [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227490568_Assertive_Communication_Skills](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227490568_Assertive_Communication_Skills)
4 Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.
5 Shimizu, T., Kubota, S., Mishima, N., & Nagata, S. (2004). Relationship between self-esteem and assertiveness training among Japanese hospital nurses. Journal of Occupational Health, 46(4), 296-298. [https://doi.org/10.1539/joh.46.296](https://doi.org/10.1539/joh.46.296)
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