Key Takeaways

Emotional Ups and Downs: Teens often feel a mix of emotions during a divorce, and may not have experience dealing with complex, sometimes contradictory emotions.
Behavioral Changes: Shifts in behavior are common and can be managed with patience, routines, communication, and professional support.
Consistency is Key: As much as possible, try to maintain consistency in your teen’s life. They may benefit from keeping up with friends, hobbies, and activities. Keep their entire support network involved, including relatives and teachers.

Divorce is overwhelming for everyone in a family - the structure of what you’ve known is being shaken up, and it’s not clear what life is going to look like going forward.

This hits teens especially hard. They’re at a stage where they’re figuring out who they are, and big family changes can feel destabilizing. With understanding and the right support, though, teens can come through divorce with resilience and healthy coping skills.

In this post, I’ll be going over five common challenges teens go through during divorce, and how families can help to support them through it.

1. Emotional Ups and Downs: How to Help Teens Cope

Divorce brings out complex emotions. For many teens, this is one of their first experiences of loss and change in their lives. They may not be used to having feelings that are this complex. It can be overwhelming to move between feeling angry, sad, guilty, relieved, and scared, all in the same day.

They might have complicated feelings about their feelings, and wonder if it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. They may wonder if there’s something wrong with them for feeling the way they do, and wonder things such as:

Is it normal to be able to still have a good time with friends when something so difficult is happening at home?
Is it wrong to feel relieved sometimes?
Am I a bad person for feeling angry when my parents are having a hard time?

They could also be worried about the future or unsure of their place within the family. They might be feeling anxiety that’s difficult to manage. They might be worried on some level that their own place in the family is less secure than they thought. These feelings may show up as mood swings or irritability, sometimes directed at parents.

How to Help:
Encourage your teen to talk openly about their feelings. Some tips that can help with this include:

Show them it’s okay to feel a range of emotions: Allow for them to be confused, and encourage open conversation about that confusion.
Don’t get them involved in disputes: Having to pick sides increases confusion and makes it more likely that your teen will withdraw.
Don’t go to your teen for support: Though this is a challenging time for you, your teen doesn’t have the ability to take care of themselves and you. They may feel that their emotions could hurt you, especially if they’re dealing with anger. If you want them to talk, they need to trust that you can handle what they’re feeling.

Counseling can be incredibly helpful for teens and families, as it provides a safe space to process what they’re feeling. Therapy can also help teens learn ways to manage intense emotions and feel more grounded during this time.

2. Behavioral Changes: Addressing New Patterns at Home

Divorce can lead to changes in behavior. Some teens might pull away from family, act out, or struggle in school. These shifts often come from dealing with strong emotions and stress, and they can be a way for teens to try to regain control. Sometimes this changes can indicate depression, but grief often brings about changes in behavior as well.

Some of these behaviors may be clear at home, while others may not be. It can be easy for behavioral changes to fly under the radar during this time, when so much else is happening.

Rather than being alarmed at behavioral changes, I suggest expecting that at least some will occur. This is a massive change in a teen’s life, and they may not have the experience or skills to manage a huge life change yet. They may need some time to figure out how to cope.

How to Help

Staying patient and consistent is key. If your teen is acting differently, try not to take it personally. Instead, keep routines in place to provide a sense of stability.
Staying in touch with teachers can be helpful in maintaining perspective on what’s happening. Having a support system in place with school staff, relatives, and friends can also help to maintain consistency and support across different areas of life.
Counseling can also be a great way to support teens during these changes. Therapists can help to assess coping strategies and changes, and can help teens to understand what they’re going through so that they depend less on negative, destructive coping strategies.
Stay on the lookout for symptoms of depression, or grief symptoms that don’t seem to be going away.

3. Social Struggles: Helping Teens with Peer Connections

Teens may feel unsure of how to talk to friends about family changes. They might even feel isolated, worrying that friends won’t understand or judging themselves because of the divorce.

It’s common for teens to feel shame over divorce, especially if they don’t know anyone who has gone through it. It can be painful for many teens to feel different. It’s also vulnerable to feel unsure about what their family is about to look like.

This social stress can sometimes lead to withdrawal from friendships or reduced interest in activities they used to enjoy. Some teens experience an increase in social anxiety. This leads to a difficult situation: one of the best things for a teen in this situation is to have a wide range of social support, but they may be hesitant in talking to the people they need most about what’s happening.

How to Help:

Encourage your teen to spend time with friends and maintain activities they enjoy, even if they’re struggling with the idea of talking about the divorce.
If they feel uncomfortable sharing, let them know they don’t have to disclose everything to their friends.
Encourage your teen to maintain hobbies and activities that they had before the divorce. It can be a huge relief to have areas of life that feel consistent and stable when such a huge change is happening at home.

4. Adjusting to Co-Parenting and New Routines

For teens, adjusting to new family routines—like going between households or new co-parenting boundaries—can feel overwhelming. They might worry about where they fit or feel uncertain about what to expect.

They also may struggle with knowing how to bring up challenges they’re going through in the process. Some teens may hold back and try to take care of their parents by being easygoing, while others may feel angry and act out.

How to Help:

Create consistent routines and keep rules as similar as possible between both households. Stability makes teens feel more secure and gives them a clearer sense of what to expect.
Do not put your teen in the role of being a messenger. They should not have to manage any communication between parents.
Therapy can also give teens a voice in the family process, helping them express their needs and preferences. They may feel more comfortable communicating what works for them, which can help parents coordinate in ways that support their teen’s well-being.

5. Building Long-Term Resilience: Why Therapy Matters

The effects of divorce can last into adulthood, but therapy offers a chance for teens to build skills that will allow them to understand and process what they’re going through so that effects don’t ripple out.

During counseling, teens can learn emotional tools for handling stress, self-regulating, and making choices that align with their values - all of which can be incredibly useful as they grow. Therapy sessions help teens process change and build resilience, giving them the tools to adapt positively to other life challenges down the road.

If you feel that you or your teen might benefit from therapy, feel free to contact me for a free consultation. We’ll talk through what’s been happening and see if therapy feels like a fit.

Conclusion: Patience is Key

Most importantly, expect this to be a turbulent time for your teen, and try to give them time to process what’s happening.

By supporting teens through these changes with patience, open communication, and therapy when needed, parents can help them navigate divorce in a way that promotes emotional growth and stability.

FAQ: Teen Support During Divorce

Q: How do I know if my teen needs therapy?
Look for signs like a sudden drop in grades, social withdrawal, or ongoing sadness or anger. If you’re unsure, consulting with a therapist can help assess whether therapy would be helpful.

Q: What if my teen doesn’t want to go to therapy?
It’s normal for teens to resist therapy at first. Try explaining that therapy is a private, judgment-free place for them to talk and work through their own concerns. Many teens feel more open to therapy once they understand it’s focused on them, and once they understand that they get to set boundaries on what their parents will be told.

Q: Can therapy help my teen with long-term effects of divorce?
Yes, therapy can help teens develop lifelong coping skills and resilience, making it easier to handle future life changes. Therapists also help teens to process beliefs and emotions that come up during divorce so that they come to a clearer understanding of what it means for themselves and their family.

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