The 8 Stages of Life: Common Challenges at Each Age
When I first start working with a client, I’m trying to understand their lives from a variety of perspectives. I’ll be curious about their family life (a therapy classic!), how they view themselves, their relationships with others, how they take care of themselves - the list goes on.
One aspect that I find to be incredibly important is considering what stage of life they’re in, and whether there are any conflicts from earlier life stages that are still feeling unresolved. But… what does that mean?
It might be best understood by talking about a pretty useful theory from the psychoanalytic theorist Erik Erikson. He proposed a model for understanding the way that we develop psychologically and socially throughout our lifespans. He outlined eight distinct stages that span the entire lifespan, with each stage representing a unique psychological crisis or conflict that needs resolution in order for a person to develop to their happiest, healthiest potential. He theorized that how we navigate and master these "psychosocial crises" has profound implications for our personal growth, relationships, and overall wellbeing.
The theory, of course, isn’t perfect; it’s not based on experimental research, it’s vague, it has a pretty strong cultural bias (toward eurocentric, middle-class American values, as well as a male-dominated view), and it seems a bit rigid. That’s why it’s important to see it as a sort of suggestion of what people might be encountering in stages of their lives, rather than a prescription for how life actually is. In other words, I like to think that his theory is suggesting what might be a strong theme in someone’s life that they (or I) aren’t immediately aware of.
Let's take a deeper look at Erikson's eight stages and the core challenges encountered at each phase of life's journey.
Infancy: Trust vs. Mistrust
From the moment we enter this world, the infant's first psychosocial crisis is establishing a basic sense of trust or mistrust in their caregiving environment. Consistent love, care, and attention fosters trust, while neglectful or unreliable parenting sows mistrust.
This stage forms the foundation for our ability to develop secure attachment bonds - bonds that have lasting impacts on one's capacity for intimacy, confidence, and security in future relationships. Parents who are nurturing and dependable help their children internalize the world as a trustworthy, reliable place.
Early Childhood (Toddlers): Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt
As infants become toddlers and assert their independence, the crisis is developing autonomy - self-control, choice, independence - without being overwhelmed by shame and self-doubt. Young children desire to do things for themselves but are also highly susceptible to feelings of shame when scolded or feeling inadequate.
Caregivers play a key role in encouraging and praising age-appropriate autonomous efforts, while also setting gentle limits and reasonable expectations. Getting the right balance allows children to cultivate self-confidence, self-control, and a sense of personal power.
Play Age (Preschool): Initiative vs. Guilt
In the preschool years, the crisis centers around exercising initiative through pursuit of new experiences, while managing feelings of guilt that can discourage independence. Around ages 3-6, children have bursts of curiosity, imagination, and a desire to take on challenges.
Parents and teachers can nurture this initiative by creating safe environments for exploration, creativity, and asking questions. Excessive chastising or punitive responses instill guilt that diminishes the child's sense of purpose and possibility.
School Age: Industry vs. Inferiority
Entering their school years, the primary crisis is developing a sense of industry, competence, and feeling capable, versus feelings of inferiority from perceived failures or inadequacies. From ages 6 to puberty, children become aware of their skills (or lack thereof) and productivity, comparing themselves to peers.
Encouraging effort over outcomes, recognizing strengths, and allowing children to experience mastery through meaningful activities helps build self-assurance. Those who are belittled or made to feel inferior can internalize negative beliefs about themselves that persist into adulthood.
Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion
Being a teenager is hard. No stage is more tumultuous than the adolescent's quest to form a coherent identity - a conscious sense of who they are and who they aspire to be. As bodies change and societal pressures mount, adolescents may struggle with role confusion, unable to settle on a defined identity. In an effort to find an identity for themselves, many people start to turn away from their families and toward friends and other influences, along with taking risks and rebelling.
Relationships, role models, and safe opportunities for self-exploration enable resolution of the identity crisis. Too much control or lack of guidance can lead to identity diffusion, foreclosure on one's true self, or a negative identity rooted in opposition.
Young Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation
Having navigated issues of identity, the new crisis in early adulthood is cultivating intimacy, deep connection, and commitment in relationships versus isolating oneself emotionally. Achieving true intimacy requires both receiving and providing love, opening oneself to vulnerability, and making long-term investments.
When emotional intimacy needs are unmet, adults can feel disconnected, isolated, and unwilling to fully commit. But fostering intimacy allows love, care, and secure bonds to flourish with partners, friends, and family.
Middle Adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation
By midlife, the central crisis is establishing a productive life anchored in meaningful pursuits that contribute to society. (Here’s one place where that mid-20th century American middle-class cultural bias comes in, but hear me out).
Generativity refers to making one's imprint through work, creative outlets, activism, or most profoundly, guiding the next generation. Those who fail to find an outward-focused sense of purpose may experience stagnation - boredom, interpersonal impoverishment, and shallow existence.
If you’ve found yourself questioning the meaning of your work, you might be familiar with this problem. According to the theory, expansive investment in promoting the wellbeing of future generations generates vitality and renewal, while stagnation creates a sense of frustration and lack of fulfillment.
Late Adulthood: Ego Integrity vs. Despair
In the final stage of life's journey, elders face the crisis of cultivating ego integrity through acceptance and wisdom about their lived experiences. Coming to terms with one's mortality and life's cyclical nature with a feeling of fulfillment is key.
Conversely, lingering regrets, disappointments, and lack of resolution breed profound despair and existential unhappiness as the end draws near. Achieving ego integrity allows a sense of peace and unified life perspective.
How Erikson’s Theory Shows Up In My Work
Erikson's model provides a powerful framework for making sense of life's eternal "becoming" - the perpetual process of transition, growth, accomplishment, and eventually, acceptance. Each stage presents opportunities for transcendence but also pitfalls that can disrupt healthy development. But we’re also never “done” with any of these stages: even when we’ve moved on to the next one, there’s often unresolved stuff from an earlier age.
As a therapist, I might notice these themes, and the ways that earlier life stage conflicts seem to be wounds that get re-opened in someone’s life. I also might be on the lookout for subtle ways that a life stage’s conflicts show up. For someone in their 20’s - 30’s, is work being used as a means of avoiding problems with intimacy? Is a teenager struggling to find their individual identity?
As we navigate these stages ourselves or alongside loved ones, it's important to develop self-understanding, practice compassion during life's struggles, and appreciate the full arc of the human journey - its beauty, triumphs, and poignant depths.
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